Somewhere Between...

Hello and Happy Thursday!

Right before the holidays I was fortunate enough to go see a brilliant documentary called Somewhere Between. Although it is about China adoption, the ideals ring true for me as well. It really has made an impact on my and I highly recommend for anyone to watch this if you get the opportunity. Even if you have no interest in adoption, there are themes that will reach out to you too. I think these young women showed such grace and maturity with their understanding, knowledge and support they provide others around the world dealing with adoption. I most definitely admire them!

This movie not only made me think about adoption, but also about identity and family. Over the past couple of years, my whole reality of family and what this means to me has really been in question, and at this moment I am even more confused. My sister-in-law made a statement over the new year that I think is interesting, it's something to the effect of...family is who you choose, relatives are who you are born and stuck with. As some can understand this statement and relate to it, it still doesn't feel like it's true. I am definitely not stuck with my mother and I feel that I never had the chance.

I am thankful that I had the opportunity to choose Ben, Niko, and Cherry. They are my family and they mean the world to me, but lately, I have been feeling so mad. I am not mad at anyone but I am just mad in general. I am mad that I never had the opportunity to choose to be stuck with my mother, my birth country or culture.

Don't get me wrong here. I am thankful for being where I am today, but that doesn't mean that I can't be mad about how this came to be. It really feels like I can't fit in no matter where I turn. Yes, I am blessed and I have had many wonderful opportunities and things that have happened all because of my adoption; however, I still feel mad at the fact that any challenge for myself to come here on my own, or my choice for my life and culture was taken away at such an early age. Whoever that little girl was that I was supposed to be is no longer. She isn't a Korean with her culture, language, or traditional understanding.

I don't have the same views about family and culture as the people around me. I can't really fit in with the Korean population nor with my peers who were born here in the United States either. I really am somewhere between these two places...and it's a hard place to be.

For myself, I am trying to make leaps to get to where I want to be...who I was and who I really am. That's all I want is the option of getting to see where I came from and who I could have been. So...sorry for the long rant today but I am going to keep my chin up and let the planning begin!

Until Next Time...