Tickets are Booked!!!

Hello and Happy Tuesday!

Tickets are booked people!!!!!

Yes, that's right, over the weekend Ben helped me settle on dates and tickets have been bought. Gosh, the turmoil is something that I cannot begin to express. Although I have so much anticipation about going, there are still too many emotions for anyone to understand.

I am full of eagerness to get to Korea, but I am so nervous and scared. It's almost like I have some high expectations without having any at the same time. I guess it's really just the fear of the unknown that it holding my stomach and twisting it round and round.

I have been such a crazy person with ups and downs lately, but this is just the beginning....it's my eagerness vs. my sense of reality that is taking hold! What if I go and I like it, what if I hate it, what if I find something, what if I don't, what should I do, where should I go...all of these things and more are racing around my mind like crazy little flies that are driving me nuts with anxiousness!

I am so eager to learn more about myself and where I came from that it overall doesn't matter what happens when I get there, just as long as I do get there. Motivated is not the word that has ever come to mind with my adoption before reading my documents, but it has definitely stroke a cord somewhere in my bones that has urged me to search and to really look into all of this. I am in search of myself, my history, answers, and....her.

I know, there are always the cliche phrases to heal the mind and bring comfort, and at the same time there are always the statistics and numbers and stories about the unhappy endings. Trust me it's hard walking in these shoes sometimes. I can tell myself these things but it really feels like I don't know where to begin. Wouldn't life be easier if someone could just grab your hand and lead you down the right path and make it all better...hmm....With that said, the tickets are bought so obviously that is the first step.  After reading this blog, I felt comforted and even more fearful at the same time. Regardless, this will have to be my journey and I know that I can guide myself down the right path. I am just so lucky that Ben is by my side through this.

 For now, let the Hangul learning begin....slowly that is ^_^

Until Next Time...